How to Find Yourself

“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.”

-Maya Angelou

I am a man obsessed with nostalgia.

People. Memories. Things. I cling to all of them, never wanting anyone or anything I care about to be sucked up in the void I call The Happenings of Life. The tragic element to being someone obsessed with nostalgia is that, regardless, I know that I’m going to lose most—if not all—of the things I cling to. When I graduated high school, the friends and memories I’d coveted over my childhood had reached that inevitable moment; all of my friends were going to go off and start their lives, wherever the road took them. I knew that moment was coming, knew that I would not have the same relationships with these people that I at one point did. And even knowing, it still bothers me to this day.

People grow and change. Things become lost or destroyed. Memories tend to fade over time. I am obsessed with wanting those moments and feelings to be eternal and I’m working on accepting the fact that that isn’t possible. Nothing lasts forever. Now, the point about this, dear reader, is how crucial all of these things were to finding my path in life. Of course, I’m still trying to figure all of this shit out, and I likely always will be, but these experiences are shaping and cultivating me into the person I want to become.

Life is scary and wild and exciting and beautiful, and trying to navigate it can seem daunting and downright impossible. But what I’ve learned so far is that there are a few things you can practice that’ll help guide you into figuring things out a bit more.

For starters, be true to yourself. This sounds cliché, but it’s one of the more important aspects. Be honest with yourself about everything in your life. Your situations, your relationships with the people around you, with your feelings. Honesty is the best foundation for really figuring out who you are and what makes you who you are, as well as makes you more aware of what you really want in life. I know it’s easier said than done, but if you’re real with yourself, you’ll be well on your way to living your truth.

Explore your passions. Find the things that make you happy, maybe a hobby you enjoy doing. For me, a few would be writing and reading. If you enjoy creating art, create more of it! Learn about your favorite things as in-depth as you can. Absorb all the knowledge. You may find certain avenues (like a future career) within those passions, as well as other passions you had no idea about!

Don’t be afraid to take care of yourself. Now, this one is a tough one because I know how difficult it can be do this. I have bad anxiety, and so my brain can be a very mean organ sometimes. But I want to stress the importance of taking care of yourself, physically, mentally, spiritually, etc. Don’t be afraid to take a mental health day if needed. Don’t be afraid to step away/get away from situations that are not in your best interest. Do the things that make you happy (as long as they are not hurting you or someone else). By understanding your needs and what you like and don’t like, you’ll have a better grasp of what you want in your life.

Break out of your comfort zone. Another hard one, especially for someone like me who is quite content with the comfortable boundaries I’m in. I’m currently in a new living situation with roommates I have yet to meet, and while it’s definitely scary, I know that it’ll be a good experience for me to have. It can absolutely be a scary things to step out of your comfort zone, but who knows what experiences you could have or the people you can meet if you took the chance? Try and do the things that scare you, and you may find that they weren’t all that scary afterwards.

And my last bit of advice is to love yourself. This may sound odd, but if you don’t love who you are, every facet, then everything is going to be exceptionally difficult. I want to emphasize how important, how beautiful, how amazing each and every one of you are. You all have amazing qualities, and once you realize just how powerful and fantastic you are, you will gain so much clarity on what you want out of life. You won’t settle. Knowing your worth is the most important thing along with loving yourself. So try and stop with any self-deprecation and start loving yourself for who you are.

Of course, all of these pieces of advice may sound very superficial and make you say,  “well, duh” but they’re still very important to practice. It’s also crucial to remember that life is crazy and that, even if you did all of those things, it may take some time before you begin to realize where you want to go and what you want to do. What’s great about practicing those elements is that it will align you and help put you in the right mindset to figure yourself out a bit more.

I wish you all a happy, prosperous 2020!

-Jordan

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Everything Happens for a Reason

“There is a power within – a world of thought and feeling and power; of light and beauty, and although invisible, its forces are mighty.”

-Rhonda Byrne

Everything happens for a reason.

I’ve always felt this was some cliché mantra preached by people who were just trying to find something positive to cling to. Something like, “Oh, I’m sure your mother’s passing was meant to happen. It was just her time. Everything happens for a reason, you know.” Or, “All those struggles and trials you went through? There’s a reason for it!” I battled with this concept for a long time, but it wasn’t until I went through certain experiences that I considered the validity in the statement. Did everything really happen for a reason? Is there some Grand Design, some Plan that the Universe or God has?

Frame of mind is everything, I believe. At the beginning of this year, I was in such a low, negative mindset that I never thought I would get out of it. I was depressed, but it was bizarre state of living; I felt that I was merely existing, going through the motions of life. Unhappy. I could do the minimum requirements that came with having responsibilities, but I was not thriving or happy. I’m still struggling with that, but I’m thrilled to say that I’m ending the year in a much better mindset than when I started it.

After having gone through this year, dealing with my lower mental states, all the stress of sudden life changes, after all the frustration and pain and a plethora of other things, I’ve finally decided that things do in fact happen for a reason. I had to find myself again, and I’m realizing with each day. I’m discovering my independence, focusing on my education and my future. The funny thing is, before all of the dramatic shit happened, I’d prayed and prayed for my situation to change. And it finally did. Of course, it wasn’t under the circumstances I would’ve liked, but I truly believe that I needed to experience all of these things.

I’m wiser. Because of the pitfalls of the year, I’ve become meticulously self-aware, knowledgeable of the fact I needed to rely more on myself than other people. Not necessarily in a negative way, because I do have people I can rely on in my life, but for my future and my own goals and ambitions. I can’t be disappointed, can’t be hurt outside of my own control if I’m relying on myself. That’s the most important piece of advice I want to convey in this post:

You are capable of overcoming and thriving on your own.

That’s what makes it so amazing, is that you really can come back from a low state of mind, a traumatic experience. It may not be easy—it could be the even be the hardest thing you ever do. But you sure as hell can do it. It is our choices that dictate where we go and what we become. I’ve had to really take charge of my own future. If you’ve been going through an awful year, had terrible things happen to you, or anything like that, I promise it won’t last forever. Nothing lasts forever, and that includes bad things.

Find your own power within the struggle. It’s hard, and I’m still trying to pull it out from the depths of myself, but you can do it. You can turn your experiences into something beautiful. You can grow from it, change for the better. Don’t let it eat at you and fuck with you. I’ve done that to myself too many times. There comes a point where you say enough is enough, and you reclaim your life. I’ve had to take these steps myself to get away from toxic environments and finally get to a place where I can work on myself.

I refuse to give other people power over me. I reclaim that energy, reclaim myself as an independent person and reclaim a positive state of mind. I will strive for my goals and ambitions, and I will achieve them. You can take your power back as well. All you need to do is both the hardest and most liberating thing:

You have to choose to take your power back.

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5 Tips To Beat Writer’s Block

It’s happened again. You’re all ready and eager to sit down at the computer (or notepad, whatever tool you use to convey the crazy jumble of words that consume your head) and begin the beautiful, fantastic story that’s playing out like a movie in your head and…

Nothing.

Oh, the desire is there, but the words just… aren’t. All writers have been there. Hell, most people in general have been there. College and high school students trying to write an essay, their patience becoming as short as their deadline.

And I, being the fantabulous writer that I am (not really) have had my fair share of this infernal aspect of writing. Luckily, during my tenure as a writer, I have acquired some pretty good, and, er, interesting methods of remedying this problem. I’m gonna give you 5 tips I implement when I’m in a block.

 

JORDAN’S WRITER’S BLOCK TIPS

1. Read!

Really, though. Reading, while fun, will help stir your imagination and creativity. So read more books! If not to help writer’s block, than just do it anyway!

2. Take a shower

Not only will you become clean, but showers are (for me, at least) a time of reflection, of letting your mind wander, which can inspire thoughts or scenes that can become something more. So scub-adub-dub, get in that tub!

3. Writing exercises

Another good thing to try and do are writing exercises, such as “Random First Line” or “Random Plot Generator”; it causes you to jump right in, and can definitively help stir up the clogged engine that is your creativity. For a bunch of free writing exercises, check out: http://writingexercises.co.uk/index.php

4. Listen to music

A lot of my writing is emotionally driven, and music is an amazing device that can alter emotions and certain lyrics can form scenes in your head and make you go “Whoa! I like that, I wanna write that!”  Just let the music flow and the words just might do the same.

5. Writing (Yes, you read that right)

One sure-fire way to get out of the funk of writer’s block is to, well, write. Now, you might be thinking, Jordan, how the hell am I supposed to write when I have writer’s block? And let me just say, there’s a method to that madness: write down anything, even if it’s a few lines. Write about how your day went. Or just a stream of your consciousness. Once you get in that flow, you’ll be surprised at what comes out, and that’s all it takes.

 

I hope you enjoyed these tips, and I hope they work for you if you are suffering from writer’s block. I know, it may seem like your creative tap has run Sahara dry, but I promise, it’ll pass. Just remember that you definitely won’t overcome writer’s block by waiting for “sudden inspiration” or anything of that nature. I’m guilty of that, myself.

 

Happy writing!